I'll Just Go On

Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to. - Unknown

Lately, I've been through so much drama. I've been disappointed and hurt. My heart was like crashing. I've felt like I wanna hide somewhere no one could see me. I didn't know what to do, seriously. Tears couldn't stop falling. A sort of simple thing gone complicated has brought me into kind of confusing days. I haven't felt that way for quite a long time that I had no idea how to react but, you know... ah! it's hard to explain.

I've been through a fight with someone who've been close to me. I know my faults... but I know it wasn't just me who did something wrong, yet I acted as if I was the only one to blame as that person have made me feel that way, too. I know I shouldn't have argued, and that I should have controlled my temper even how I've been hurt. I stayed up and think things through. I never wanted it to last too long so I tried to end it with an explanation and a sincere apology, because it was the best thing to do. I apologized... and apologized... and... apologized again. But it was unaccepted and I've got blocked and felt I was being hated. I never knew how hard it was to try fixing things up, and have yourself get neglected. I found myself in the corner, finding nothing else to do, feeling tired. It was painful. We never talk to each other the same way again.

All I wanted is for us to be the way we were, but it seemed like a bigger damage has been done and we can never get things back to how we wanted them to be no matter how hard we try. Or was it just me who wanted to bring the old times back? I've been holding on for quite a long time. I've said, what we had couldn't be something I'd give up. But I remembered, there was a goodbye. What was it in goodbye that I can't understand? For days, I've been thinking, maybe it doesn't mean that way... but as how things are going in between... I realized, maybe it does.

I remembered myself, saying I don't want to lose that person but perhaps, things like this just really happens. Taking deep breaths, slowly, I'm trying to accept it. Now I don't know but, I guess, I'll just go on, letting go of what time has left broken. It would not be fair if I'd still mind about someone who has already forgotten about me. That person has already moved on and I should, too. As I've said before, it wasn't the easiest thing to do and may not be the hardest either. But I'll keep waiting and trying until I learn that it doesn't matter to me anymore.