And Then It Hurts Again

Since I've been hit by too much pain, it seemed like I couldn't get better on things I used to do. Like, it's been hard for me to write lately... Which means I've not much to express my feelings into. And although I might come up with little ideas, I often forget those and end up with no topic to write about at all. I'm not that good on writing, yes. I'm more on sharing about personal stuff though it seem like nobody reads it but it somehow means something to me, that's why I don't mind if anyone or no one would read this at all. I am a girl who used to cry when I'm hurt, but sometimes, tears just couldn't fall even how I want them to. So I thought, this is another way to somehow lessen the pain. Oh wait... This part is getting longer.

Last night, I've found myself cryin' over the same reason again. Don't you think this is stupid? No matter how I try to ignore and forget the pain I've been feeling since months ago... I still can't. Since then until now, I don't know why. Since then until now, I don't know what to do. I know, I've told that person that I'd understand... But it's really hard to understand why that sort of thing had to happen. We acted like there's nothing, right after, without putting an end to what has been. Or maybe we had, it just didn't seem like it was. I pretended that I was fine. I pretended that it didn't really hurt that much, yet until now, I still feel it strong. Well sometimes, it tends to hide and those were the times when I know I could smile. And then it hurts again.

I came to realize, maybe he's more to me than I thought he was, when there wasn't a day that I don't remember his name and who he is as my heart tells me. He really is special though it may be hard to explain why. And I've been missing that person so much. I've been missing the way he was to me. But what's the use of holding back when it wouldn't get what was, back. I've wanted to hold on to this feeling, but would it be right if I'd wait for him when I don't even know if it will lead us to somewhere we were? Or could the tears I've cried take what we had back to us again?

For now, I'll stay where we are. I might cry over that reason again but only time or maybe him as well, can tell if I should just let go.