I Don't Know

Mood:
[ ] happy
[ ] sad
[x] I don't know

I don't know, for real! Isn't it cra--...
Am I crazy or fallin' in love? (crazy) Is it real or just another crush? (another crush... Yeah, yeah)

Wait... no! This post has nothing to do with it. I'm not crushin' on anyone right now. (really?) haha. It's just that I was supposed to write a question, "Isn't it crazy?", and then those lines from me love DavidArchie's song, 'Crush' just popped in my head so I thought of writing it. LOL So yeah, I am really crazy... And weird, ain't I?

Sometimes, as much as others don't, I, too, can't even understand myself. I can't remember exactly when I started to feel this way, like almost nothing seemed so clear to me. I have so many questions, what's and why's. And the answers don't seem to show up. Maybe, they were meant to be unanswered or I might figure those out in time. It's confusing though.

Okay, moving on... Yesterday, I've had a conversation with a friend over the phone. There were instances when I'd just smile or laugh about the things he say. And then there were those moments where I find myself speechless, especially, whenever he mention a special person's name and his thoughts about him. And then minutes before we hit the 'end call' button, unexpectedly, he said something like, "Never let go of him...". I had no idea what to say. At the back of my mind, I thought it felt right though it hit me straight through as if my heart's gonna crash again. I never had the chance to say, I had no one to let go of. 'Cause although I knew I don't want to, he's not even mine. He was never mine. Everybody just thought, he was.

You might understand the way I was that moment, if you know how it feels to have and to not have someone at the same time. It cuts deep. All those times, I've tried making myself believe he's mine, when the real thing is that, he isn't mine at all.

I still can't forget how it hurts but I've got nothing left to do. This is the reason why sometimes, my mood is, "I don't know."

Hmm... Random post, isn't it? ;)