Tuesday, November 5, 2013

A Whisper Through Deep Pain

Earlier, I wasn't sure if I can check my online accounts or if  I really want to. I'm currently in the state of so much pain. It's the kind of pain I never knew before. I don't think I can spend time for such stuff as browsing and surfing the complicated web. Some things right now are already complicated enough for me to do that, I thought. I'd rather lie down on my bed, cry and think things through. But I know I needed to get up and do something or I'll end up in total despair. Yeah, that's the reason I am here, and even trying to blog something up although it isn't really part of the plan. Why? Here's the story.

So, I started to sign in to my accounts. Gmail first, as usual. Typing the characters, I feel like wanting to weep again. Just lately, tears were like gatecrashers bursting out of my eyes uninvited. But I was trying to hold back. It seemed like I'm going to faint. Yet, I still went on ignoring it and  like a whisper, these words fell in front of me...


and like a sweet sweet song, struck my heart.Those were the first words I read on my email account soon as the page loaded. Such a truth I would've almost forgotten. I knew it is for me. Oh, the Lover of my soul reminded me that He knows how I feel. My Savior, Redeemer, my very best Friend is thinking of me and does each and every way to make me feel that I am not forsaken. That I am not alone. He understands every pain, sees each tear and hears my cry. He weeps as I weep. Right now it seems more real to me. Overwhelming, yes. And wonderful.

Suddenly, I am also reminded of a dear sister in Christ's message after one of the few shortest verses in the Bible.

"Jesus wept." (John 11:35)
If you doubt that Jesus cares, remember His tears.

I wasn't doubting about how much He cares. I even know that no one understands the pain that I'm going through, except Him. And that, He's healing me. I know that. I claim that. But to have Him speak to me in such a personal and heartfelt way, and at the moment I needed to hear it the most is so amazing. Jesus knows how I feel... true enough! He might even feel it stronger than I do.And it doesn't stop there. He's doing something for me, to bring back the smile on my face which I kind of lost, to stir up the joy He has set upon my heart and fill me with overflowing gladness and love. With those words, it's as if He's saying, take courage my bride... do not lose heart, do not faint. I am right beside you and I will be here with you always. (Not to mention the playlist on my blog that I am currently listening to which communicate His love for me as I type this post up...) Sweet! He cares for me that much.

And so, I'll hold on ever to this: When tears come my way again, I'll remember His and remind myself that I matter to Him. All is going to be well with me. And whatever circumstances you're going through, let these words encourage you... Jesus knows how you feel, too. :)