Saturday, December 26, 2015


Spent my Christmas afternoon buying gifts and baking stuff at the mall, alone. I went in to a bookstore straight to the Christian section and this book caught my attention. I was hesitant to buy given that I still have a lot pending books to read but scanning through some of the pages, I thought this is beautiful and I will need it.

See, I have been through a lot this 2015. I've felt really hopeless until God reminded me of the great hope I have in Him. And in this time of recovery from depression, some people struggling to find hope again went to me unexpectedly. Slowly my desire to be a vessel of hope to others who experience what I did and what I still do deepens.

I feel indescribable joy to help lift others up and point them back to the source of Hope. I know in my heart that God calls me to be a "Hopelifter". And so I pray that with God's help, I will be. And I also hope that this book will somehow equip the hopelifter part of me.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

#faithscript via Instagram

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Redeem My Heart

[originally written on 6/07/2014]

© mariakathdm

Redeem my heart, oh Lord
Sanctify it, make it pure
Redeem my heart that was
once and for all blessed by Your unfailing love
Redeem my heart that is now broken and torn
Redeem my heart that is beaten up
and worn out by the thorns of this world
So many times I have carelessly
given it away, I did not obey
'Til it's left shattered
like a fallen jar of clay
Scattered down in pieces,
scarred by it's tragic past
Redeem my heart, oh, God
Let it no longer yearn to look back
Make it better than it ever was
Let You be the one it'll completely trust
For all this life can bring is nothing but burden
and fear and longing and
dissatisfaction and failures and pain
But only You can bring wholeness to my being
So fill my emptied cup once again
I sincerely ask
Restore my hurt soul and my spirit
that is wounded and crushed
My everloving Savior, my only hope
From all these troubles I cry out
Come nearer and redeem my heart

This poem was written in the season of my life when I desperately need God's redemption of my heart. I was broken during those times and still struggling for complete healing. It did took over a year for me to recover and even up until this very moment, it's still under restoration but I can say that there is a huge difference between my heart's condition then and now. And truly I can say that my Redeemer heard my pleading and prayer.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Closed Doors

I believe God intentionally closes doors to protect us from thieves, and intruders that harm our hearts. I am grateful for that fact. Trust God, they say. Okay. So when He closed one, I put myself to trusting Him.

But despite that, times still came when I was trying to bang it while the other hand holds tightly to the handle hoping that He will open it as I plead. I lost all the strength I had but God still kept the door locked. I felt so bad and sad and disappointed until I had no choice but to let go and walk away from that door.

As I took steps away, I've realized that we do not really trust God if we're still camping on the other side of the door hoping He will change His mind. He won't. Otherwise, our hearts will be up for danger and disaster. So when a door was shut in front of your face, you need to turn around and walk far from it. Farther than you think you can get. Let go of the handle. And don't attempt to bang it. Trusting God fully means letting go of what He wants us to, completely.
After all, He doesn't close doors for nothing. It is always for our good.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Afternoon Walk

Afternoon walk. I don't know but I quite have a thing for lamps and lampposts and stuff carrying light. I love light. It's beautiful. It makes me see things. It lifts up my heart. Can't find the words to express it but I think one of the best things God created is light.

There is something significant about light that it is the first thing which God created on the first day (see Genesis 1:3)... why it is very often related with the word "truth"... and why Christ was referred to in John 1:9 as the "true light".

I guess this is something to meditate upon deeper. 😊 

A Faithscripter Story

This was my column name at the university newspaper when I was in college. Basically, I came up with this since at that time I was quite new in my Christian walk and we were taught about scripting language such as javascript given that I was an IT student. So yeah, I took off java, replaced it with faith and used it in our newspaper. Though the name was simple as that, it was born out of the desire to serve God as a student journalist.

I wanted to share my faith and inspire others and being a part of the official university publication was an opportunity for me to do so. So even though I was given that column only at my last year when I became a feature editor, I grabbed the chance to write for His glory. Getting the spot for reflection section was a joy to me as well. I've never felt that my student life was fulfilling until the Lord used me through writing.

One of the most memorable things for me is when a canteen staff told me with a smile in her face that she was blessed with my column article as it struck her. Can no longer remember the exact words. It felt surreal that my writing has inspired someone. But I am still thankful to God. With the thousand others inside that university, I didn't know who else has read my writings and experienced the same but that is one my motivations why I continue to write even if no one seems to read. Who but God knows if the words I write travel to someone's heart... and even if no one really reads I still know in my heart that I write for the One who is worthy of the glory in all I do. And that is what matters most.

And so here my journey continues... 😊 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Behind the Names

I still cannot get over this. For years, I thought the only meaning of Maria is "bitter". I didn't like it but do I have a choice? They say, sometimes, you live out what your name stands for. Then one night when I was bored, I searched for name meanings again and found out that it came most likely from the Egyptian word "mr" which means "love", or "mry" which means "beloved". Now I have a choice. I choose love and be a channel of it or even beloved— because in Christ I am. Kathrina, on the other hand, means "pure". I am praying He will help me live it out.

Do you know that name-giving is a way of worship to God for His faithfulness which is accounted in the Bible? Isaac for example means "he laughs". In Genesis 21:6 it is written, "And Sarah declared, 'God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me.'"

Another great thing is God even changes names of people. Isaac's father was named Abram. But God said in Genesis 17:5, "What's more, I am changing your name. It will no longer be Abram. Instead, you will be called Abraham, for you will be the father of many nations." Jacob, which means "deceiver" was changed by God to Israel when this man wrestled with God from night until dawn (Gen. 32:22-32). It means "God fights". This is one of the truths that makes the Bible so wonderful and interesting to read and follow.

And you know, God still does it today, to us, and to you through Jesus. You call yourself "worthless" but He calls you "precious". You were "slave", He calls you "redeemed"... "helpless" but now "rescued". You call yourself "abandoned" but in Christ He calls you "mine".

#faithscript via Instagram

Sunday, September 6, 2015

September 06, 2015 at 09:18PM

"No man can tell you who you are as a woman. No man is the verdict on your soul... Only God can tell you who you are. Only God can speak the answer you need to hear." — John and Stasi Eldredge

When I was younger, I did not believe that I am beautiful (perhaps, you would agree if you just see my old photos). In this world where outer beauty seems to matter so much to girls and women, I was at risk on drowning to that belief about myself. Because others said so. Because I thought so. Hence, it was quite easy back then to give away my heart to someone who made me feel like they see my worth as though having them would validate my essence as a young woman. It was driven by the hopes that somehow others might have been wrong or I have just overlooked myself. Now this is an ugly truth.

But my faith in God slowly took away the wrong thoughts and made me realize that no man can define me... not their compliments, not their words of affirmation, not even the interest they show me. It is only God who sees me accurately— imperfections, flaws and all. And as I grow in my walk with Him, He makes my heart beautiful and takes it outside for others to see. He makes me believe that I have beauty in me and that gives me the confidence to become more of myself than try to be anyone else.

Ladies, no one can ever be the reason we'll bloom and become better, only Him and His love. No other words can even define who we are, only His Word.

Monday, August 24, 2015

August 24, 2015 at 03:11PM

 [Inspiring photo of Kari Jobe and groom worshipping God during their wedding.❤]

I need someone strong enough to lift his hands and get down on his knees to praise God
Someone brave enough to protect me through sincere and consistent prayer
Someone bold enough to stand up for and walk in the light of God's Word.

I need someone who shares the same passion for God and His Kingdom... so we can serve and glorify Him together
So we can worship the LORD and not each other.
So we can encourage others and live in love that echoes forever

I need a man after God's own heart... and not a man who will tear my soul apart.
I need a man...
An imperfect man— flawed, blemished and broken as I am—,
But is complete in His perfect love.
For there is so much in my heart to discover about me
But I have decided that only a godly man can have the key. 

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Anchor of Hope

"Now when people take an oath, they call on someone greater than themselves to hold them to it. And without any question that oath is binding. God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind. So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary." (Hebrews 6:16-19 NLT) 

Sunday, August 9, 2015

August 09, 2015 at 07:21PM

Taken way back 2013 during our outreach program at Youth Jam. We fed the children, played and danced with them, and most especially, taught them God's Word.

One of the most fulfilling part of being a Christ follower is the way you are involved on doing things greater than yourself. Things you never thought you were able to do. Things which bring back glory and honor to the LORD who gave you the chance to breathe. And I think this is what really gives meaning to life. Knowing you are given heartbeats that long to reach the heavens and touch the very heart of God.

This photo reminds me that I am called to love. I am called to serve. This is my purpose. This is why I am alive.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

August 01, 2015 at 07:01PM

I am safe for I am covered by Your wings. ❤

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." (Psalms 91:1-4 NLT) 

Monday, July 27, 2015

July 27, 2015 at 08:00PM

It doesn't matter who does or doesn't see your worth. It doesn't matter who held you or let you go. It doesn't matter... the pain. The rejection. The being taken for granted. Or even the love that we have lost. LIVE LOVED. Because we are. God loves us with an everlasting love.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

July 21, 2015 at 08:13AM

There are moments when we feel left out on our own. Betrayed. Rejected. Ignored. Oh that bitter taste of abandonment and painful stings of loneliness.

At those times, it's so easy to close our doors or build a wall so that no one can come in... so that no one can dump us to ourselves once again. It's so easy to run away from the world and create our own in the four corners of our room... so that no one can hurt us anymore. It's so easy to isolate ourselves and stay in the company of music. So that no one can stab our hearts any deeper than the wounds we already have. It's so easy to act like we are fine so we can cover the state of our whole being.

It's so easy to keep a distance because people and their words can really be harmful. It's so easy to pretend we don't need anyone. But we do.

Maybe, you're going through all these right now. And maybe you keep believing in yourself that you need help from no one. Because others have caused you a lot of pain. Because you have lost your trust in them. Because they have turned their backs on you over and over again.

But let me tell you that you cannot hide and pretend that you don't know the truth. That your heart yearns for someone who is true to you. Who really cares. Who can understand you. Somewhere in the corner of your mind you are searching for a hand brave enough to reach out to you and help you stand. Deep within you is a part which hopes that you can have someone beside you to encourage you to go on. Because you still want to fight a little more and go on.

And let me tell you that you have someone. Unlock that door, break your wall. Stop running and take that headphones off for a moment... and look up. It may seem to you that no one loves you. But believe this: You are never alone. You have God and He is with you. His hands are always reaching out to you... you just got to stretch out yours and hold on to Him so He can help you get up on your feet again. What others did... He won't do to you.

I've also walked on the same shoes before. But God never failed when I chose to trust in Him.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

July 18, 2015 at 10:10AM

"I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God ’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God . It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way: Stomping down hard on luckless prisoners, Refusing justice to victims in the court of High God, Tampering with evidence— the Master does not approve of such things." (Lamentations 3:19-36 MSG)

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Where We Find Wholeness

The second half of the year already started two weeks ago. I looked back and read the few entries on my journal and decided to share my entry/ prayer last January 1, 2015. I can't remember now how the words came out, but I know at that time I was wounded and struggling to find healing.

2014 has already passed...
You know I have been through so much. Life last year has been a roller coaster ride for me and my emotions. I messed up a lot. LORD, You know that well. I hurt other people with my choices... with my words and with my actions. Had a lot of regrets... all those I wish I didn't say nor do. Consequences fell in front of me and they were like stinky junks at my feet. My heart gets crushed over and over again and bitterness and resentment sprang up from the deepest and wounded part of it. I usually get weary and tired making room for all the doubts which pollute my mind. I needed strength. I needed rest. I needed assurance and peace. There was no peace and serenity in my mind and in my heart. I needed You... but I ran to places and people in the hopes that they will satisfy me. So I ended up with the same bitter and broken and empty person that I am. Perhaps I was too proud and confident that I was living your will because I have given You parts of me when You needed me to surrender everything to you completely in order to heal me. I was partially obedient therefore I still disobeyed. I was always in denial. I have been very very stubborn and distrustful, LORD. I am sorry. I missed all the beautiful things and wonderful blessings You could've given me if only I listened and followed and paid attention to Your Word and to what You were trying to say. Things are getting harder for me to bear now. I needed a way out,  but I know You wouldn't allow me to escape and once again run away. So can I ask? Can You just hold me and lead me to the perfect path where healing and restoration dwells? I want to throw off all the resolutions I thought of and entrust it all to You knowing that it is You who can make me whole again. LORD, there's no one else who can ever satisfy me but You. And there's no one else who can ever love me more than You do. Help me to rest in Your presence and truth filled with faith in all that You are... throughout this year and even the next years to come. — Katy❤ 01/01/2015
We all tend to take the burden on our own... to find wholeness and satisfaction in our own ways. Most of the time, we chase after what people we look to can do for and bring us and while at some point they help to lessen the weight we carry, it is only God who can make us whole again. Restored. Healed. Redeemed from the dark parts of our lives that were defeating us. We always run to the wrong places. But we need to fix our eyes on and direct our feet to Him in faith and let His hand touch our wounded, tired and weary hearts and make it complete.

I don't know what you are going through right now but let me tell you that, in Him is the wholeness we long for and need.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Why Is Love Taking So Long?

You know this kind of moment? When couples walk past or sit together in front of you. Holding hands. Talking and laughing together. With sweet gestures and all. While you... eating burger and sipping soda by yourself, envying the way it's not the same for you.

And you keep asking, "Why is love taking so long?"

When you find them lovers everywhere you are. At the coffee shop. At the movies. Even at the office. Mall. Book stores. Neighborhood's yard. You can name every place you know. Their presence seem to haunt you, right?

Well, it seems not just a matter which you can just shake off of your head and thoughts. It can be something calling out the war between your heart and the desires dwelling in it.
I feel you.

I've walked through the same lonely road where threats of bitterness lurks around. Got love ended before it even started. Felt rejection, torn trust and broken heart. So, tired moving my feet to get through that painful journey, I nearly embraced the thought that there is no need to wait for love... being alone is my destiny.

Perhaps, you have asked the same question I used to ask myself, "Am I really meant to be alone for the rest of my life?"

The answer is no. Never.

But you ask again, "why is love taking so long?"

1. LOVE IS WAITING for you.

Tell you what. Lately, it has been more clear to me. I have realized that it is already there waiting for me. The same thing goes for you, too. Remember our first love? Jesus. He is waiting for us to come back... He is right there where we have left Him since the day we decided to travel on that lonely road, alone. The Love who came down to have our hearts, has been waiting for us to remember that He walked by our side on those moments we desperately wish we were with someone else. Our LORD is still doing that today, even though we consistently ignore Him.

So many times we get hurt because we're looking for love on the wrong places. Look above. God is the only source of love which we hunger for because He Himself is love. He is the only One who can promise us a forever and make it come true. Only His love is eternal. Only His love shed at the cross showed you are to die for. Choose Him first.

Love is waiting for you, how willing are you to come to Him?

We can chase anything but Jesus and one day we'll find that it is way more than love that we're lacking. But if we commit ourselves to Him, we'll get more than we ever hoped for.

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord , and he will give you the desires of your heart."

2. LOVE IS WAITING for the right person at the perfect time.

When we are ready to embrace the love that God has for us and decide to delight in His presence, we can be sure that our hearts in His hands are safe and secured. And He will not allow just anyone to take our hearts. Who among us wants to get broken anyway? And our God loves us so much that He would never allow us to experience that, unless we step outside of His protection.

So I say, wait upon the LORD. Waiting might be harder and tiring for you right now, but trust that He has plans. Do not focus so much on the time you think it would take before it arrives. Instead, work on being the right person for that one whom God will give you. Your singleness is the best time to serve the Lord, learn more about life and prepare yourself for the future.

As Joshua Harris have said in his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, "When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances."

God is concerned on you, being the right one as much as He is concerned on you marrying the person He has called to take care of your heart. So take this time of waiting as the time of preparation for the fulfillment of the  wonderful love story which God is writing for you. Trust Him.

It might seem that love is taking too long but it will be on it's way. On that perfect day, love will find your heart where it belongs and you will thank God because He allowed you to wait.