Thursday, July 16, 2015

Where We Find Wholeness

The second half of the year already started two weeks ago. I looked back and read the few entries on my journal and decided to share my entry/ prayer last January 1, 2015. I can't remember now how the words came out, but I know at that time I was wounded and struggling to find healing.

2014 has already passed...
You know I have been through so much. Life last year has been a roller coaster ride for me and my emotions. I messed up a lot. LORD, You know that well. I hurt other people with my choices... with my words and with my actions. Had a lot of regrets... all those I wish I didn't say nor do. Consequences fell in front of me and they were like stinky junks at my feet. My heart gets crushed over and over again and bitterness and resentment sprang up from the deepest and wounded part of it. I usually get weary and tired making room for all the doubts which pollute my mind. I needed strength. I needed rest. I needed assurance and peace. There was no peace and serenity in my mind and in my heart. I needed You... but I ran to places and people in the hopes that they will satisfy me. So I ended up with the same bitter and broken and empty person that I am. Perhaps I was too proud and confident that I was living your will because I have given You parts of me when You needed me to surrender everything to you completely in order to heal me. I was partially obedient therefore I still disobeyed. I was always in denial. I have been very very stubborn and distrustful, LORD. I am sorry. I missed all the beautiful things and wonderful blessings You could've given me if only I listened and followed and paid attention to Your Word and to what You were trying to say. Things are getting harder for me to bear now. I needed a way out,  but I know You wouldn't allow me to escape and once again run away. So can I ask? Can You just hold me and lead me to the perfect path where healing and restoration dwells? I want to throw off all the resolutions I thought of and entrust it all to You knowing that it is You who can make me whole again. LORD, there's no one else who can ever satisfy me but You. And there's no one else who can ever love me more than You do. Help me to rest in Your presence and truth filled with faith in all that You are... throughout this year and even the next years to come. — Katy❤ 01/01/2015
We all tend to take the burden on our own... to find wholeness and satisfaction in our own ways. Most of the time, we chase after what people we look to can do for and bring us and while at some point they help to lessen the weight we carry, it is only God who can make us whole again. Restored. Healed. Redeemed from the dark parts of our lives that were defeating us. We always run to the wrong places. But we need to fix our eyes on and direct our feet to Him in faith and let His hand touch our wounded, tired and weary hearts and make it complete.

I don't know what you are going through right now but let me tell you that, in Him is the wholeness we long for and need.
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